Tag Archives: spoof

One story, as promised!

30 May

The Next Best Thing
27/5/14
By Ray Daley

The ship bristled with weapons covering almost every inch of the exterior. When it entered our atmosphere they certainly weren’t coming to have a picnic.

We watched them, patiently waiting to see what they wanted.

Then came the message. “Send us Duran Duran.” Just that. Nothing else.

Apparently they were 80’s New Wave music fans.

So we got in touch with the members of Duran Duran.

The call went out to Simon Le Bon, Nick Rhodes, Roger Taylor, John Taylor and Andy Taylor. Did the aliens want them all, or just one, or just a few?

We sent a message back to the aliens. “We’re trying to find Duran Duran now. How did you learn of them?”

They had picked up our television transmissions. It turned out they didn’t actually want the group at all. They’d seen and misheard the movie Barbarella and assumed that Duran Duran lived on Earth.

As our greatest scientist he was the best person for them to kidnap. We wondered if we could give them one of Duran Duran and perhaps get away with the deception without having to explain he didn’t really exist and they’d just been watching a movie.

We asked Simon Le Bon to go with them. His answer was “Fuck off”. He seemed like such a nice man too!

Nick Rhodes asked if there was any eye shadow in it. When we said no he told us to get stuffed.

We actually offered them Roger Taylor. He was annoyed because they thought ‘Isn’t he’s in Queen?’

The aliens were aware of the two other band members but not who they were so they didn’t really want them.

So we decided to ask if they wanted to have the next best thing after Duran Duran. We offered them David Sylvian. The aliens were totally overjoyed and took him right away before we changed our minds.

Luckily we didn’t have to go with our back-up plan and offer them Gary Numan.

Which was a shame, he was really looking forward to meeting aliens.

THE END.