I’ll present the review first before I address the points raised by the reviewer.
I’m doing this on the blog because there’s a massive issue with Smashwords, you can’t talk to people who’ve written reviews. Which they REALLY need to sort out.
The Ground Beneath My Feet By Ray Daley
Review by: andy petrides on Dec. 09, 2013 : 
oof… so many issues.
some spoilers follow…
This doesn’t even qualify as a rough draft… this is simple brainstorming, borrowing from a hundred movies we’ve all seen before.Much of the science makes no sense compared to what actually happens. Author needs to ask WHY and HOW when he writes things… for example, he writes that the ship can do everything, but its main function is to raise/teach one human to do basic things. Huh? Or that when they reach the planet they are to seed, the ship simply dumps a bunch of people on it to wander around… no probes/scans/tests/etc… technology we actually have today… just “go out for a walk!” also, why is the ship teaching about earth? (sounds of the ocean, etc) shouldn’t it be teaching about the planet they will seed? Or how about “skipping 20 yrs of development to avoid nasty puberty”… watch Bladerunner and see the issues about cloning/making adults with no experience with emotion, human interaction, etc. Unfortunately the science here reads like Flash Gordon… author should watch some Star Trek instead and study the morality tales behind the story, and back it up with ‘realistic’ science.
The only thing that was clever was the biblical idea of “the first man killed by a serpent”. That is a nice concept… think about what can be learned from this, and block out the story from there. Question everything you write- why are things happening? be cognizant of all the assumptions you make.
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And that was the review.
Let’s address what Andy had to say.
This doesn’t even qualify as a rough draft… this is simple brainstorming, borrowing from a hundred movies we’ve all seen before.
Actually Andy, the finished piece went through several edits.
Much of the science makes no sense compared to what actually happens.
This is a generalization.
for example, he writes that the ship can do everything, but its main function is to raise/teach one human to do basic things.
At no point do I ever say or even infer the ship can do everything. Its main function isn’t to raise 1 human to do basic things. Inflight its main function is to raise a human to be its Captain (hardly a basic thing), At planetfall it teaches them all the survival skills they will need on a new planet.
Or that when they reach the planet they are to seed, the ship simply dumps a bunch of people on it to wander around… no probes/scans/tests/etc… technology we actually have today… just “go out for a walk!”
The scans of the surface are clearly mentioned, the computer decides not to tell the Captain about the life it finds. And it hardly “dumps” them, it selects the safest place it can find. Also, all the people on the shuttle are armed. They are hardly being dumped naked in the middle of nowhere.
also, why is the ship teaching about earth? (sounds of the ocean, etc)
Reviewer clearly misread, it wakes the Captain to the sound of waves to keep him calm in a stressful situation. At no point do I ever mention anythning about teaching them about Earth.
shouldn’t it be teaching about the planet they will seed?
Again, I don’t think you actually read the piece very thoroughly, if at all. All the lessons it gives them are about survival on such worlds.
Unfortunately the science here reads like Flash Gordon… author should watch some Star Trek instead and study the morality tales behind the story, and back it up with ‘realistic’ science.
Actually Andy, I watch a LOT of Star Trek. The idea here was to move away from stories around Generation Ships & try a new approach to planet seeding. As for “realistic” science? It’s called fiction for a reason?
The only thing that was clever was the biblical idea of “the first man killed by a serpent”. That is a nice concept.
Finally! Something you DO like.
be cognizant of all the assumptions you make.
This could be applied to your review, in spades.
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