Tag Archives: flash fiction

Waiting For Godot, Again [Flash Fiction]

7 Aug

Waiting For Godot, Again
7/8/17
By Ray Daley

This week we waited in the public bar of The Lamb And Her Shepherd. I didn’t mind waiting here, we at least had access to beer, a decent wifi speed and hot food when we finally needed it at about 2:30pm.

As per usual, shithead tweeted me he was on his way. “Be there in about 20 mins, order me a beer.” So I ordered him a beer.

Which I ended up drinking myself, along with my own when he finally resurfaced at around 9pm via Facebook. “Having an anxiety attack, won’t be able to make it. Sorry. Maybe see you next week? McDonald’s this time?

I’ve been waiting to meet him for almost 4 years now. I’m pretty sure he’s never going to show up. It’s always one thing or another. His cat was sick, his drama with his sister, he can’t find the right shoes to match his jacket.

I get that he suffers from social anxiety but he’s got to get out of the house at least once in his life!

Fuck waiting for Godot. Me and Jill are off home to shag.

THE END.

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The Haze By Ray Daley [poem]

10 Jun

The Haze By Ray Daley 10/6/17.

It’s easy to get bewildered or flustered,
Your mind goes like custard, but don’t taste as good.
You don’t recall every last detail like you once could.

It’s easy to fall in a spiked pit of doubt, You just can’t get out,
But you feel like you ought, Your tries come to nought.
Trying picking your battles, just win ones you’ve fought.

That’s why, I say with a sigh, It’s easy to get bewildered or flustered,
Your thoughts thick like mustard, but don’t taste as good.
You wish you were younger, that’s understood.

Trying thinking, not drinking, your mind’s simply sinking,
Your memories are blinking away, like fifty a day.
They’re gone and forgotten, your brain has gone rotten,
The truth it be told, You’re just getting old.

THE END

Guest, A Poem

9 Jun
Guest, A Poem by Ray Daley.
9/6/17
I’m the one that’s living at the bottom of your garden,
In a little wooden box that’s labelled “TEA“.
No-one else is living at the bottom of your garden,
The only person living there is me.
There’s cabbages and lettuces, there’s many types of fruit,
I’ve being there so long now, I feel I’ve taken root.
Because I’m the one that’s living at the bottom of your garden,
There’s nowhere else I’d really rather be.
THE END.

Swimming In Jelly [a silly poem]

17 Dec

Swimming In Jelly, By Ray Daley

Let’s all go swimming, go swimming in jelly, Jilly & Jimmy & Bob,
Just don’t crazy, don’t invite Daisy & certainly don’t invite Rob!
We can 3 have fun & when we’re all done we can have trifle for tea.
So let’s all go swimming, go swimming in jelly, what a wonderful thing it’ll be.

THE END.

One Man Against The World (flash fic)

22 Nov

Ideas can come from anywhere. Lucky for me, the Post Office WAS open today. But this occurred to me as I was walking there:-
________________________________________________

This being the tale of one man against the world,
told by Ray Daley, humble scribe.

Our party set out on an epic quest this fine day.

However, whilst still within sight of our noble house, my troops were recalled, leaving only myself to undertake that most perilous mission.

Across barren fields I trekked, with only my thoughts for company. Strange beasts roamed the byways and I had naught but my wits to protect me.

I was brave of heart, stout of arm, wise of mind and fleet of foot. Using my common sense alone was I able to reach my destination.

Only to find that the fucking Post Office was shut for half day closing.

I will camp here tonight, and send out the good word on the morrow. Then slaughter them all for not being open when I needed them most.

THE END.

The Marching Men By Ray Daley

11 Nov
The Marching Men By Ray Daley
11/11/16
 
I can hear them singing before I see them, they don’t come into view for at least another five minutes. And they’re singing the old songs I used to hear Daddy singing.
 
And some of them are crying, just like he used to when he was singing.
 
I can see a young boy standing near me asking “Why are they crying? Are they sad?” so I tell him what Daddy used to tell me before he went away forever.
 
“They’re remembering their old friends. They aren’t sad tears, those are happy tears,” I say.
 
Then the boy smiles, he’s glad they aren’t sad tears.
 
Back when Daddy used to cry, I’d always hug him and he’d hold my hand oh so tightly. “Never gonna let you slip away Johnny. Stay with me Johnny, just hold on a few more minutes.”
 
I was 12 before I found out who he was really talking to.
 
A man in a uniform knocked on our door one day, asking to speak to my mother. “My father gave me this, he wanted you to have it now. I’m sorry for your loss, Ma’am.” He’d given her a medal won by his father, someone Daddy once called brother and friend. but mostly called him Johnny.
 
“He saved a man’s life once, you should know that,” Mother told me.
 
So we come each year to watch the marching men go by, singing their old songs, remembering their old friends. Each year there are less of them, so it’s our job to remember their faces, remember their songs, and above all to remember their stories.
 
So we never repeat their mistakes.
 
So now I remember Daddy. And I remember Johnny too.
 
And we hope we’ll never have to march this way again.
 
THE END.

Ten Things You Can Do To A Newly Elected President. A flash fiction story (based in no way on reality) by Ray Daley

9 Nov
Ten Things You Can Do To A Newly Elected President.
A flash fiction story (based in no way on reality) by Ray Daley.
9/11/16
 
1) Assassination. It’s a country with many gun owners. Sniper rifles (including the Barrett .50 calibre which will deliver a kill shot from over a mile away) can easily be purchased from any half decent gun shop.
 
Assassination is a common way to dispose of a President you no longer want in office. It’s been tried many times too.
 
2) Set them on fire. Please note that the new President elect wears a wig, most of which are extremely flammable. Couple that with the amount of hairspray he probably uses and you’ve got a recipe for immolation.
 
The White House has burned down before, there is historical precedant for this too.
 
3) Complain loudly. The Constitution allows for Freedom Of Speech so put it to good use. Have a good old moan about the fool you elected.
 
4) Revolution. Well, you did it to get rid of the British. Who’s to say it isn’t a good idea now. They call them revolutions because eventually the time to have another always comes around.
 
5) Impeachment. This is an idea that is often suggested but very rarely implemented. This also has historical precedance and is an excellent option to those who don’t like getting blood on their hands.
 
6) Bankrupty. You are already too late for this option, your President elect is already emotionally bankrupt. We suggest you find another method.
 
7) Start a Civil War. So called because they aren’t very civil. Countryman stands against countryman, one nation separated by their countries desires. Lots of you want Chester Cheeto in office. Lots of you don’t. A fight to the death over who was right, go!
 
8) Ask for a recount. This didn’t happen for Al Gore and it sure as shit isn’t going to happen now. Sorry about that.
 
9) Tolerate him. Who knows, he might turn out to be a better President than Nixon?
 
10) Leave the country. America isn’t the only place to live. Leave your President with no citizens to preside over. Abandon him in your hordes.
 
All of these things are possible. It’s the land of the free. But you could make it the land of the empty.
 
“And the home of anyone stupid enough to vote for him…”
 
THE END.