Archive | Doctor Who RSS feed for this section

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

1 Feb

3 The_Cult_of_Skaro

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 3, The Cult Of Skaro.

As with all cults everywhere, these Daleks are complete bastards.

They don’t want you to drink the Kool-aid. They just want you to be a pig-slave.

Or to help them create a Dalek/Human hybrid. No romance, either. Tossers!
They’ve got names. But not good names, like Tom, or David, or Matt.

Weird Dalek names like Jast & Sec. Which frankly sound more like sex toys.

They don’t care if you live in the park, they will kill you or enslave you. Which ever moves them closer to getting off Earth. Despite coming here several times, Daleks DON’T like Earth. Magnets upset them. And Earth’s a big old magnet. Which is good for us, and bad for Daleks! Sucks to be you, Daleks!

Likely to use mind-control & human slaves. Cults are bad, m’kay?

AVOID THEM ALL.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

1 Feb

5 Ironside dalek

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 5, the “Ironsides” Dalek.

It ain’t easy being green. This Dalek likes to pretend it’s not a Dalek.
Likely to offer you tea, but no biscuits. No chance of Jammy Dodgers at all with this guy.
What kind of monster offers tea without biscuits? A Dalek, obviously.

Calls itself “a soldier” but ignores leggy redheads in VERY short skirts. Probably gay, hence surrounding itself with many men.

Will build humanoid robot that is mostly a bomb. Will let you hit it with a MASSIVE spanner, once.
This is probably foreplay to gay Daleks. Don’t let the acting deceive you! Or the faux camo bondage gear it’s wearing.
All the hallmarks of a bastard.

Will kill you, the first chance it gets. An actual bastard.

AVOID LIKE HERPES.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

1 Feb

1 paper daleks

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 1, the “paper” Dalek.

Due to massive job losses on Skaro (caused by Davros killing mostly everyone), economic downturn even effected Dalek production.

As you can see, these Daleks are made of paper. They can STILL hurt you though. Paper cuts are complete bastards. Carry a lighter, set fire to them.

But be aware, where there are paper Daleks, real Daleks aren’t far behind.
Definitely not put up by cheap BBC effects guys. Somewhere there’s a Dalek with scissors & glue, a lethal combination! Paper Daleks can’t kill you but are really annoying. The Dalek version of Terry Wogan then.

Treat with minor caution!

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

31 Jan

lonely_dalek

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 6, The Lonely Dalek

Don’t feel sorry for this one, he’s after one thing only. Time energy.
The chances are, the slimy bastard inside wants to squeeze your arse too. Also, that’s not a sink plunger, it’s a sex toy, for probing.

Being the last one of something isn’t always such a terrible thing.
So the Universe loses Daleks? Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

Daleks are sneaky bastards and will do strange shit when you least expect them to. Like levitate! Yes! Before this guy, you could just run up some stairs and go “Fuck you, Buster!”

Now they can fly? Also prone to monologuing. Don’t listen to it.
As with ALL other Daleks, he is a bastard.

Avoid!

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

31 Jan

Davros_Wisher

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 7, Davros

This is Davros, creator of the Daleks.
This automatically makes him a complete and utter bastard.

Originally called “Leggy Bob”, Davros grew tired of his childish nickname, swearing revenge on all those who ever used it (which was basically everyone who wasn’t him) and retired into the fields of science. However, the fields of science have bugger all by way of trees or grass, not best endearing them to the people who seek them out.

Davros lost his legs in a lab explosion whilst trying to refine his favourite local vodka. This left him literally legless. Some of the vodka survived the explosion and he drank it. This left him completely blind, when he also managed to knock over a bunsen burner, setting fire to his face and hair. This explains his face.

Davros built his own travel machine, using this design to later create the Daleks. He then vowed to kill everyone who had ever called him Leggy Bob.

Davros is a total bastard. He shouts a lot. All the time, in fact.

AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

31 Jan

dalek

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 4, the classic Dalek.

This is your classic Dalek. Grey & black.

As is already well known, all Daleks are complete bastards.
Steer well clear of them. Would you want a dalek dating your sister?
NO. Because they’d exterminate her.
You might like this idea but then whose couch are you going to sleep on after you fight with your significant other?
Not this little grey bastards, that’s for sure.
That’s because Daleks don’t own couches.
And this is yet another reason why you can’t trust a Dalek.
They are untrustworthy, non-couch owning bastards.

AVOID.

Doctor Who & The Invasion Of the Cockwombles

31 Jan

The Doctor, “I’m the Doctor & I claim my free ‪#‎fez‬.”
Shadowed enemy, “There’s no fez.”
Useless companion, “Look out Doctor, Its a trap!”
The Doctor, “I was told there’d be a fez!”
Crappy Moffat style twist, “No. Just ‪#‎Daleks‬.”

THE END

Doctor Who joke

23 Nov

One day, a female American Whovian was walking down a street in her city when she saw the TARDIS, standing there off in the distance.
So she ran towards it, squeeing her brain out thinking “Brilliant! I’m going to meet The Doctor! I’m going to travel in the TARDIS and become a companion and everything! I might even meet the Daleks!”
As she ran down the block, she approached the TARDIS.
Which dematerialised just as she reached it.
“Fuck!”, she said. Because you would, wouldn’t you.
At her feet was a bit of paper which she picked up.
It read as follows:-
Under Obamacare you do not have enough points to see a doctor. Let alone The Doctor. Sorry.”

News for the Whovians!

28 Sep

There ARE new Doctor Who fanfic ideas in the pipeline.

In various stages of development. Some of them have been done in books before.
This is not a problem for me, I’m doing things differently to what they did.

Two of the ideas are set in the Who Universe, not directly involving The Doctor.
Two of the ideas ARE completely about The Doctor.
One is an origins story, one is far-flung future story.

Obviously I can’t give out details because spoilers sweety.

The Doctor Who crossover story, I really do want to develop more.
Not saying WHERE it crosses over to as I don’t want people stealing my idea.

So there are at least 5 ideas in development.