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Checking In, As Promised

24 Mar

I said I would yesterday. So here I am.

Feeling a great deal better than yesterday, that was a deep one. Sorry to lay it on you lot as well but it happened.

I want to send a personal message of thanks to Dominic Hamer of Ruthless Peoples Magazine for taking time out of his life to send me that email. It was extremely thoughtful and very kind. For a guy who’s only ever read 1 thing I ever submitted he was really nice about my post yesterday. We need more people like him when we’re depressed.

Todays aim is to type up some 9 Regions stuff.
I’m eating dinner right now so hopefully once I’ve got some fuel in me I’ll feel slightly more alive.
Mood has picked up, it did improve a little yesterday but I ended up going to bed in the end.

Gonna try and find an outline for this weeks Bradbury Challenge from my pile.
The only idea I’ve had this week felt a bit stale and had no ending.
And according to Googles auto-complete, I was the 1st person to ever Google Amelia Earhart lesbian.
Once the sun has moved & ISN’T shining right into my face I’ll open the curtains & get me some sun therapy too.
I struggle in bright light, due to the glaucoma.

Righty, off to finish food then work on 9 Regions stuff.
Be lovely to each other.

NFI, Not Feeling It

23 Mar

I’ll start by being totally honest, you’re about to see a swear word.
NFI actually means Not Fucking Interested.

Right, that’s out of the way.
I am totally NOT feeling like writing at the moment.
Yesterday. Today.
My moods are SUPER low on the writing desires.
Might be the old black dog, Mister Depression.

Whatever it is, I just can NOT find it in myself to do any creative writing at the moment.
I know from previous experience these swings do happen, the longest one was for 5 weeks.
At least that’s the longest recorded one since I started writing properly.

Obviously this blog entry doesn’t count, this is just me telling you how I feel. Generally shitty.
This may spell disaster for the Bradbury Challenge.
Current number of fucks given? None.

All I really want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep.
Intake of fluids isn’t helping.
I went to get some food, I couldn’t even be bothered to do that.

Sleep might be a good thing at this point.
I’ll check back in with you if things improve.

Writing Update

2 Mar

Finished typing up a story I hand wrote on Feb 16th, 952 words after some polishing whilst typing up.

Had a real bad case of the Don’t wanna!‘s typing that up which is why it took so long.
I think writing that Simpsons episode earlier got me out of a rut.

I still have to complete the story I’ve been working on for the last three days now, that might take a while longer. I am going to remove myself from it and work on other stuff that is outstanding that I haven’t looked at for at least a few weeks or more.

Currently this seems to be the best method of finishing a story when I get stuck on it.
Last time I did that I completed either 2 or 3 stories in that day alone.

At least stuff is getting done, I have been writing down ideas and frameworks so I may not be finishing stuff but I am writing stuff. Sometimes the best way out of a hole is to stop digging.

Slightly Annoyed (Mainly At Myself) Writing Update

1 Mar

I’ve typed up the notes I scribbled down for my story in progress that has been going for a few days now.

I totally wasn’t feeling the writing of it today. Or yesterday. The notes are down, it’s a framework to tell me/show me the direction I think I need to take to get from where I am to where I would like to be.

Note usage of “like to be“, not “want to be“. It’s a tough road to travel to get there and make sure the pay-off is worth the investment.

I’d swear quite a lot at this point normally but the swears are so sweary I just can’t swear hard enough.
They haven’t invented the swear I would need to say to clear my feeling at this moment.

Swear, sweary swearington.

If things get much tougher you’ll be seeing the incomplete story being posted here as an official “I have given the hell up on this”.

Update

27 Feb

After more food and several drinks I have written quite a lot more on the new story today, it’s now 2534 words and showing no signs of gettng close to finished yet. There’s been a fair amount of set-up so I have to make sure the pay-off is worth all that investment for the reader.

I still have a headache, I just worked through it. And no, I didn’t sleep even though I wanted to.
I’ll probably go to bed early tonight though.

At least I managed to be productive for about an hour or so. Better than nothing.
Be thankful for the small things, sometimes that’s all you’ll get.

Good intentions, or not

27 Feb

Started this afternoon thinking I might try to finish the story I started late yesterday.

Now have a case of NFI (Not F***ing Interested). Headache isn’t helping.
I thought I’d feel more inclined towards writing once I had some hot food inside me.
That’s a no.
I’m going to make myself some Bovril (British hot beef flavoured drink) and then see how I feel about writing some more.

Frankly right now, all I want to do is sleep.
If I closed my eyes right now I’d be gone, bang, out in seconds.

Health Update

21 Feb

I didn’t say much about my recent visit to The Eye Clinic before because I wasn’t very happy.

Had a pressure spike in the right eye, it may well be that I am one of those people who doesn’t react well to the new type of glaucoma laser surgery being used to treat the condition. The minion who saw me in lieu of the consultant said he wanted to think about giving me more laser surgery.

It’s been a little less than 10 months since I had it last time and it was one of the most painful procedures I’ve ever undergone. Right now I’m on drops in my right eye for the next two weeks and going back for another pressure test in late May.

I’ve had two consecutive bad days in terms of eye pain and headache too, went to bed really early last night because I felt so bad. Probably retiring early tonight too after I go do tonights meds shortly. This change in my condition is quite depressing. I hope I can stick to my writing resolution but right now next Wednesday feels like a million miles away.

Hopefully a good nights rest will improve my outlook.

Ever writing!

9 Feb

Finished typing up “TV Times”.

Not exactly super happy with the ending. (When am I ever?)
It’ll do for the time being. 1439 words is an okay amount, it felt MUCH longer when I was typing it up though.

Moral there? Never type up on Open Office, just use Notepad.

Several outlines written down, some I’m quite happy about writing.
Hoping to do work on “Panic Over Metropolis” during the course of the next few months so I can finally release it this year.

Off for another Visual Fields test on Wednesday, hopefully the snow that’s supposed to come this week will hold off until I’ve been and then come home. It can snow its ass off after that.

Moods are up and down, also got the sniffles.
Surviving without a TV slightly better than I thought I would, it’s been just over 2 weeks now since it went phut.

Thought for the moment:- Never say “I wish”. Say “I will”.

Ray Bradbury Challenge, Week 5.

29 Jan

Finished not long after midnight having written 1183 words.

It was an idea from the 26th that I’d scribbled down to avoid forgetting it. I think it worked fairly well and conveyed everything I wanted it too.

Zero desire to write today but I’m going to try to knock out a few paragraphs on “Survival” to get it a bit closer to completion. It was good to see the prepper tag attracted some attention to the blog, I’d also like to thank the people who responded to yesterdays post on depression as well.

I think the only way to cope is to try to keep living, focus on something you love.

I’ve got my writing and my goal to complete The Bradbury Challenge at least once.

I think we forget the benefits of such simple things, like a good hot meal when hungry, a nice cold drink when thirsty, a refreshing hot shower.
Even some soothing or ambient music to distract the mind from the jumble of daily life. All things that can lift you both physically AND mentally. Douglas Adams used to swear by the hot bath to relieve his writing-related anxiety.

The one thing I’ve noticed amongst people who have depression is we all appear to be high functioning creative types.
Any way, I’ve achieved my goal for today (and this week). Hopefully I can get a bit more writing done later.
I think lunch beckons first. Then a hot shower, once there’s some more hot water. ;-P