That’s Why (A Flash fiction story by Ray Daley)

That’s Why (A Flash fiction story by Ray Daley)

Gold. Because it’s always fucking gold.
They found gold, when they were drilling for oil.
So the Americans sent their troops in, just to “keep order”.
Obviously the Russians decided to send their troops in too. “On manouevers”
Then everyone followed suit. NATO. UNESCO. TESCO.
Hell, even the fucking Free Eskimo State sent a dogteam in.
“Strictly for hunting!”, according to their statement.

No-one knows who fired the first shot. The eskimo said he was just trying to scare off a Polar bear.
I guess we’ll really find out in 12,000 years when the radiation dies down a little.

Suffice to say the world has a whole lot less troops these days.

Black Ops pay well.
Dad didn’t get half as much on overwatch in Honduras.
But it was the gold. That’s why Mum went to Iceland.

It’s always the fucking gold, right?

THE END.

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A Muppet Kind Of Poem

Once upon a time lived a little piggy, sitting on a log.
Little piggy said to herself, “I think I love a frog!”
Little Piggy looked at herself, she was quite a Miss.
Froggy saw her once and he said this:
“Stuff that for a game of soldiers, I’m off home!”
Little Miss Piggy ended up living alone

THE END

2 more DMCA requests filed

Filed against FREE books that are being charged for. Google Play, you naughty people!
Charging for books that aren’t yours, weren’t uploaded by the writer and are being hosted without his consent or permission.

Obviously I’ve told them, any money made on the sales of those books are mine.

I’ll let you know how those requests work out. And if I get any money or not.

Submissions news

Okay. 3 more stories sent out to submission.

To Blaster Books Webzine, Weirdbook Magazine & Terraform, respectively.

With 4 more already out there under consideration, this is getting habit forming.

FYI. There are 2 acceptances that are yet to be published.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 20, Suicide Daleks

It ain’t easy being a Dalek.It’s not all shits and giggles. Actually there’s no shitting at all, and absolutely zero giggles. Daleks aren’t known for their sense of humour.

It can be quite miserable being a Dalek. Which is why there are no shortage of volunteers for the Dalek Suicide Squad.

Need a Movellan Spaceship blown up? Ask these guys.

Likely to blow themselves up without question.
Unlikely to receive 72 virgins in the afterlife. If Daleks believe in one.

Suicide is never the right option. Stay alive, be a bastard.
Better a live bastard than a dead Dalek. Maybe.

Avoid them, you don’t want to be blown up too!

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 11, Dalek Sec, Human/Hybrid Dalek

Leader of The Cult Of Skaro. All cult leaders are crazy, case in point, this nutter bastard right here. So crazy he merged a perfectly good Dalek with a mere human.

Only someone forgot to tell him, it’s been done before. Pioneer? My arse!
Someone might want to tell Sec to Google “Arthur Stengos”.

Sec might look cool in his killer suit, but he be crazy.

Likely to look like cross between Mars Attacks and Predator.
Likely to make you into a Pig Slave.
Unlikely to send flowers to the theatre where you work.
Extremely likely to try and take Manhatten. And not give it back.
A bit like your library books. If Daleks read books. But they don’t. No hands, see?

Unlikely to care what you think. Being tall, pretty and Scottish won’t distract him.

If you see him, kick him in the bollocks. Because human weakness is helpful.

Avoid! Half human, half dalek – all bastard.

Celebrating the life of a wonderful writer

I’m blinking the tears back on this one, literally.

So Terry Pratchett is dead.

As someone who has been reading his work for over 25 years that’s going to be a bit difficult to take on board.

I found my first Discworld book in a discount book shop in the High Wycombe indoor shopping centre in about 1991, I think. I know I hadn’t been stationed there long, I’d gone into the city on one of my rare days off, desperate to find something to do to occupy my mind.

So you’ll have no idea how overjoyed I was to find a bookshop. And one that sold cheap books, too! I bought The Colour Of Magic there, it cost me about 2 pounds, it was paperback though. I bought it because I liked the Josh Kirby cover, and the blurb sounded like my kind of thing.

I read it all the same day. I actually got back on the bus, went back into the city and bought two more books by Terry. And I’ve never looked back from there. loyally buying each new release since about 4 or 5 yrs ago as my finances no longer allowed for it.

And now he’s gone.

He’ll never get to see “CSI Ankh Morpork” come to fruition. I’ll never get to collaberate with him as a fellow writer.
The closest I came to that was emailing his agent, asking for permission to use the word Vurglesplat in a short I was writing.

That “short” ended up becoming the longest story I’ve ever written. It’s in my Anthology on Amazon, if you want to buy it and read it.

We might have physically lost Terry, but we still have his books, his characters, his ideas. His dreams.
And my desire to be a writer was part of that dream, Terry was one of the many people I found inspiration from.

Let’s not mourn his death, instead let’s celebrate his life.

He ain’t dead. He’s just not holding our hands any more. So let’s run like mad, because he’d want us to.

And now I have to go cry.  Scuse me.

Two current issues

And they are:-

1) Writing anything at all.

2) Finishing stuff.

That speaks for itself really.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 14, Special Weapons Dalek, Imperial Dalek

Finally, civil war between Daleks erupts and who is there as the muscle, to back up Davros in his silly white golf ball? None other than the Special Weapons Dalek.

Forget all others, this Dalek is harder than nails. He’s harder than rock. Shine on, you crazy diamond!

While all others are happily exterminating stuff with their eggwhisks, this Dalek will be blowing the ever loving CRAP out of everything it sees that isn’t an Imperial Dalek or helpful to their cause.

Likely to make the police think the IRA are bombing London.
Unlikely to be aware of the word bastard. Despite being one.

This Dalek is definitely white & gold. Not blue & black.

The best place to be is behind this Dalek. Several miles behind it.
Preferably round a corner. Made of reinforced concrete. Even then you might not be safe.

Avoid like it’s a dress you don’t care about.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 9, Supreme Controller, black Dalek.

As you’d might come to expect from a species of complete power freaks, they love titles. This is the Supreme Controller, otherwise known as the Black Dalek.

Daleks can be pretty racist, for a species that prides itself on purity. There will be no white Daleks until the Dalek civil war starts and Davros decides he wants to take back the power that is rightfully his.

This is when the classic Daleks tell him “You’ve got no legs, why the hell should we listen to you? Piss off!”
As you do. If you’re a Dalek.

This Dalek likes to think he’s in charge. That’s actually the Dalek Emperor’s job. This Dalek is in charge of nothing. Well, maybe all the other mobile Daleks who aren’t nailed to the floor for being complete bastards.

Basically they all just humour him and actually carry on doing whatever the hell they feel like, once he’s buggered off out of the room. “Oh look, it’s Gary, the Black Dalek. Just say ‘Yes sir!’ and he’ll leave us alone.” This is probably happening everywhere this Dalek goes.

If any other Dalek attacks you, tell them Gary sent you. They’ll fuck RIGHT off.

Likely to ask you to go exterminate things, planets, people, small dogs, etc.
Unlikely to ask for a promotion to Emperor.

Avoid like he’s trying to do a survey.