Emergency Wedding List

22 Feb

A friend mentioned on Facebook that she needed to write an “Wedding Emergency List”.
My brain came up with this, for starters.

A) Wine.
B) More wine, in case A) runs out.
C) Chocolate.
D) Chocolate flavoured wine. If this doesn’t exist, invent it.
E) The phone number of the most sensible person you know.
F) Tissues, for crying into.
G) Wine scented tissues, for when A) & B) run out.
H) A friend, someone who won’t tell you your bum looks big in that dress.
I) Someone to marry, your personal choice of gender. Well, it is a wedding, right?
J) Shoes you can’t walk in. Well, it is a wedding, right?
K) A venue half the “friends” can’t easily reach. It’s your big day, fuck them, right?
L) An annoying child who’ll slide across the dancefloor at exactly the wrong moment, probably knocking your mum over.
M) A responsible adult to slap said child.
N) Cake. What’s a wedding without cake?
O) Parents, unless you’re eloping or they’re dead. Else proxy parents.
P) Alcohol. Something to blame all your mistakes of the day on. The perfect patsy.

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