Archive | February, 2015

Emergency Wedding List

22 Feb

A friend mentioned on Facebook that she needed to write an “Wedding Emergency List”.
My brain came up with this, for starters.

A) Wine.
B) More wine, in case A) runs out.
C) Chocolate.
D) Chocolate flavoured wine. If this doesn’t exist, invent it.
E) The phone number of the most sensible person you know.
F) Tissues, for crying into.
G) Wine scented tissues, for when A) & B) run out.
H) A friend, someone who won’t tell you your bum looks big in that dress.
I) Someone to marry, your personal choice of gender. Well, it is a wedding, right?
J) Shoes you can’t walk in. Well, it is a wedding, right?
K) A venue half the “friends” can’t easily reach. It’s your big day, fuck them, right?
L) An annoying child who’ll slide across the dancefloor at exactly the wrong moment, probably knocking your mum over.
M) A responsible adult to slap said child.
N) Cake. What’s a wedding without cake?
O) Parents, unless you’re eloping or they’re dead. Else proxy parents.
P) Alcohol. Something to blame all your mistakes of the day on. The perfect patsy.


Playing with The Doctor

15 Feb

“Everyone inside!”

“Listen stranger, there are 380 million people on this planet. And you’re suggesting we all get inside that tiny blue shed? Who are you, some kind of mad man?”

“That tiny blue shed is a TARDIS. Gallifreyan technology. By the look on your face, you’ve already heard of us? Good! Because I’m The Doctor, and I’m definitely a mad man with a box. Now everyone, get inside! Nobody dies today, because I say so!”

Apparently 3 novels?

14 Feb

So, after doing an inventory on my various “stuff” in the “to do” folder I knew there was at least one novel.
Maybe two, at most. There are actually three.
These three don’t include The Invisible Knight novel I started late into my RAF career that’s possibly somewhere in my room.
It might be in the room. I’m not 100% sure.

So what is there, actually?

A YA title. An SF title about the last 2 people. An SF/Horror/Survival title about a group surviving a crisis.
I don’t want to disclose titles or any more than I have as above.

3 potential novels though. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Welcome To The Future, a flash fiction story

14 Feb

Welcome To The Future, a flash fiction story by Ray Daley

“So, this is a room in the future?”

“Yes sir.”

“Oh, a robot? Cool! Hang on, you’re not going to kill me in my sleep, are you?”

“No sir. I’m a friendly robot.”

“Soooo, the Future, eh? Flying cars yet?”

“No sir.”

“Hoverboards yet?”

“Afraid not sir.”

“Future’s looking pretty shit so far. Okay, screw flying cars. How about self-making beds?”

“Yes sir.”

“You’ve got those?”

“Yes sir!”

“Okay, you can bog off then. Me and this self-making bed are about to become very good friends.”


“Robot! Robot! Get in here!”

“Yes sir? How may I be of service?”

“This shitty self-making bed doesn’t work! Piece of crap. Why doesn’t it work?”

“Erm. This isn’t the bedroom sir. It’s through there. This is the Living Room, sir.”

“Oh. So this so-called self-making bed is actually?”

“A sofa sir.”

“Don’t be funny robot. It doesn’t become you. Bed’s that way then?”

“Yes sir. Good night sir.” Trundles off. “The droids at the club’ll never believe this. In the wrong room? Stupid meat puppet!”


Getting educated!

14 Feb

Just finished writing a short, 1990 words.
Learnt about The Marine Corps, and Lee Harvey Oswald.
Most informative.

Waiting For God, a flash fiction story

13 Feb

Waiting For God, a flash fiction story by Ray Daley


As the sun went out, the Earth had little more than minutes left.

The entity waited patiently, as it had done since the moment this Universe had formed. As it waited, an avatar popped into existence next to it.

“What ya doing?” it asked the entity.

“Waiting,” said the entity.

“What for?” asked the avatar.

“Not sure,” said the entity, “they just told me to wait here until something happened.”

“Something? Like what?” asked the avatar.

“Don’t know,” said the entity, “they seemed pretty sure I’d know it when I saw it though.”

“Who are ‘they’?” asked the avatar.

“The people who made me. And this Universe.”

“Did they make me?” asked the avatar.

“Nope. I made you. I was getting bored. I wanted someone to talk to.”

As the Earth froze, all life as we know it ended. Then the light from the sun faded forever.

“That looks a bit like something, don’t you think?” asked the avatar, pointing towards the frozen Earth.

“It might be. I don’t think that’s it though.” said the entity.


“What I’m waiting for.” said the entity.

“So what’re you going to do then?” asked the avatar.

“I’m just gonna keep on waiting. I’ll know it when I see it. They were sure I would be. Can’t question your creators, can you?”

“I have,” said the avatar.

“Good point.” said the entity, and with that, the avatar popped out of existence. And the entity sat quietly in the blackness of space, utterly unaware it had already missed its moment.


Word back from Google

11 Feb

They examined my DMCA request and found in my favour.
The offending title has been taken down.

This took 21 days from initial request.

I’ve filed numerous more requests now.
Hopefully those will be processed quicker.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

7 Feb

10 glass dalek

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 10, The Glass Dalek.

The Glass Dalek was created especially by Davros (whilst hiding at Tranquil Repose), both known as International Bastard and Maker of the Daleks. The Glass Dalek contains a human who is gradually being turned into a Dalek.

Don’t feel sorry for him. He’s stuck in a Dalek. And not even a cool looking Dalek either! Do him a favour. Smash him into a billion tiny pieces with a ruddy great big hammer before he becomes an actual Dalek.

This Dalek may get your show cancelled. You will NOT get to Blackpool. Ever!

Avoid! Glass is super sharp.
Oh, and Daleks are bastards, obviously.

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

7 Feb

8 barnardos

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 8, The Barnados Dalek.

Caution! Contains children!

As every adult knows, the best kind of children are the ones you can give back to their parents at the end of the day. Not about to happen with this Dalek as it contains orphans, and not the grimy faced, chirpy, loveable orphans either.

These particular orphans have taken rejection by society extremely badly and turned to the ways of a Dalek. Look at that kid on the left, he can’t WAIT to get out of that wheelchair and into a pimped out ride like a Dalek.

These orphans are just fighting each other for the chance to get inside a Dalek, this is EXACTLY the kind of temperament that utter bastards like Daleks are looking for every day!

Likely to ask you for a donation to charity. Almost certainly won’t take no for an answer.

Avoid. Unless you want to adopt a Dalek.
(This is a bad idea.)

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

7 Feb

2 dalek emperor

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 2, Dalek Emperor.

The good thing for you about this particular Dalek is he’s fixed to the ground, this one won’t be chasing you anywhere, he certainly won’t be exterminating you either.

The flip side of that, this Dalek is TOTALLY in charge of ALL the other Daleks, when he says jump they say “Don’t be stupid, Daleks can’t jump!” But when he says “Exterminate!” They say who, where, when and why aren’t we killing them already.

Which doesn’t just make him a bastard, he’s the King Of The Bastards.

AVOID! Unplug him if you can.
Staying the hell away is the best plan.