Archive | January, 2015

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

31 Jan


Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 6, The Lonely Dalek

Don’t feel sorry for this one, he’s after one thing only. Time energy.
The chances are, the slimy bastard inside wants to squeeze your arse too. Also, that’s not a sink plunger, it’s a sex toy, for probing.

Being the last one of something isn’t always such a terrible thing.
So the Universe loses Daleks? Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

Daleks are sneaky bastards and will do strange shit when you least expect them to. Like levitate! Yes! Before this guy, you could just run up some stairs and go “Fuck you, Buster!”

Now they can fly? Also prone to monologuing. Don’t listen to it.
As with ALL other Daleks, he is a bastard.



Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

31 Jan


Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 7, Davros

This is Davros, creator of the Daleks.
This automatically makes him a complete and utter bastard.

Originally called “Leggy Bob”, Davros grew tired of his childish nickname, swearing revenge on all those who ever used it (which was basically everyone who wasn’t him) and retired into the fields of science. However, the fields of science have bugger all by way of trees or grass, not best endearing them to the people who seek them out.

Davros lost his legs in a lab explosion whilst trying to refine his favourite local vodka. This left him literally legless. Some of the vodka survived the explosion and he drank it. This left him completely blind, when he also managed to knock over a bunsen burner, setting fire to his face and hair. This explains his face.

Davros built his own travel machine, using this design to later create the Daleks. He then vowed to kill everyone who had ever called him Leggy Bob.

Davros is a total bastard. He shouts a lot. All the time, in fact.


Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

31 Jan


Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 4, the classic Dalek.

This is your classic Dalek. Grey & black.

As is already well known, all Daleks are complete bastards.
Steer well clear of them. Would you want a dalek dating your sister?
NO. Because they’d exterminate her.
You might like this idea but then whose couch are you going to sleep on after you fight with your significant other?
Not this little grey bastards, that’s for sure.
That’s because Daleks don’t own couches.
And this is yet another reason why you can’t trust a Dalek.
They are untrustworthy, non-couch owning bastards.


Doctor Who & The Invasion Of the Cockwombles

31 Jan

The Doctor, “I’m the Doctor & I claim my free ‪#‎fez‬.”
Shadowed enemy, “There’s no fez.”
Useless companion, “Look out Doctor, Its a trap!”
The Doctor, “I was told there’d be a fez!”
Crappy Moffat style twist, “No. Just ‪#‎Daleks‬.”


I Am Broken

30 Jan

I openly acknowledge this fact.

I am not all right in the head. I continue to do stupid things.
I am uncomfortable socially. I react badly.
I prefer my own company. I talk to myself.
I prefer low to high, emotionally.
My mind is constantly trying to throw me under the bus.
I understand that I can never be fixed.

I accept this as my life.

I’m not sure I want to be fixed. Even if you could fix me.

An experiment in verse

29 Jan

Lost To Time

What will become of the clockwork dogs, the chocolate frogs,
The men who always dance in clogs? What will become of them?

How will they feed the hungry child, the beast so wild,
The meek and mild? What will become of them?

Who will now heed the call to arms, with horns, alarms,
The war machine will empty farms. What will become of them?

What will become of them?

Feedback on things

27 Jan

Word back about the gay vampire story sent to Lethe Press.
Got a response back in less than a day!
A no but for two very good, well explained reasons. Excellent feedback, thoroughly nice chap by the sound of it.

Oh. And I’ve also had an email from Google. I’m in a queue to be processed, apparently.
I wonder if that’s why it’s so damn difficult to submit a DMCA request then. They’ve got so many?

I had another email about something else but I’ll tell you more about that when a concrete date is sent to me.

Another sub sent out!

26 Jan

And another submission sent out into the ether.
Apparently someone’s doing a “gay vampire” anthology.
So I sent them “Dead Jealous”.

Always the case, isn’t it?
You think “No-one’ll want a story about gay vampires” so you self pub it.
Then the very next month someone wants it.

Such is life.
Lessons learned? Never pub anything in case someone wants that genre.

Google & DMCA requests

25 Jan

So I recently discovered some of my titles on Google Play.
I hadn’t put them there.
I checked them, the titles had been changed, as had the covers. The content was still untouched. My copyrighted content.

I read a sample of one. And then I worked out where it had been taken from.
It still had the Feedbooks metatags inside it. Thanks for making my job easier, thief!

So I embarked on getting them removed. Why was I doing this? For the following reasons.

1) I didn’t place these on Google Play myself.
2) The covers and titles were changed without my permission.
3) The books are distributed with DRM on them, something I personally don’t agree with.

Google Play aren’t charging for these titles. I just don’t like that someone took my books and put them on Google Play under different titles (and covers) but STILL under my name. I’m very proud of my covers, I make most of them myself. I’m also pretty proud of my titles, they take a while to come up with and generally reflect the content of the ebook.

I emailed Cory Doctorow, noted anti-DRM campaigner. He gave me this useful gem.

By law Google have to prominently display information about how to make a DMCA request throughout their site.

Thanks Cory, useful to know. Shall we see how easy it is to file a request?

On the book page, far underneath is this:- Report: Flag as inappropriate.
Clicking that link takes you to a 2nd page that offers you 5 different choices.
I want Trademark or copyright infringement.
You are then offered 2 more choices. I want the content removal form.
There are 5 more options. I want Submit A Legal Request.

Clicking that FINALLY gets me to the Removing Content From Google page.
So I’ve jumped through 5 different hoops for Google just to get STARTED on ONE DMCA request.
After clicking 4 more different things, you get to the ACTUAL take-down request.

9 hoops to leap through. Now I ask you, does that sound like it’s prominently displayed?

And I have to do that for each of the titles listed. Oh no, I can’t say “take down everything that’s got my name on it!”?
I have to tell them where it is on Google, where MY legal version of it is.
Then I have to listen to them threaten me with $100,000 fines for misfiling.

Read THIS:-
IMPORTANT: Misrepresentations made in your notice regarding whether material or activity is infringing may expose you to liability for damages (including costs and legal fees). Courts have found that you must consider copyright defences, limitations or exceptions before sending a notice. In one case involving online content, a company paid more than USD100,000 in costs and legal fees after targeting content protected by the US fair-use doctrine. Accordingly, if you are not sure whether material available online infringes your copyright, we suggest that you first contact a lawyer.

Yeah, that doesn’t sound REMOTELY intimidating, does it?

Good old “friendly” Google. And I bet you thought they were the nice guys, right?

I nearly broke my brain!

24 Jan

After almost three days of extremely hard slog, the “prison” story is finally finished!
4943 words. It took some mapping out, lots of writing stuff down so I knew who was in which cell.
Lots of headaches, head-scratching and me being totally confused about where the story was going.
It had a couple of possible endings, I went with my first idea in the end.