Archive | January, 2015

Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

31 Jan


Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 6, The Lonely Dalek

Don’t feel sorry for this one, he’s after one thing only. Time energy.
The chances are, the slimy bastard inside wants to squeeze your arse too. Also, that’s not a sink plunger, it’s a sex toy, for probing.

Being the last one of something isn’t always such a terrible thing.
So the Universe loses Daleks? Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

Daleks are sneaky bastards and will do strange shit when you least expect them to. Like levitate! Yes! Before this guy, you could just run up some stairs and go “Fuck you, Buster!”

Now they can fly? Also prone to monologuing. Don’t listen to it.
As with ALL other Daleks, he is a bastard.


Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

31 Jan


Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 7, Davros

This is Davros, creator of the Daleks.
This automatically makes him a complete and utter bastard.

Originally called “Leggy Bob”, Davros grew tired of his childish nickname, swearing revenge on all those who ever used it (which was basically everyone who wasn’t him) and retired into the fields of science. However, the fields of science have bugger all by way of trees or grass, not best endearing them to the people who seek them out.

Davros lost his legs in a lab explosion whilst trying to refine his favourite local vodka. This left him literally legless. Some of the vodka survived the explosion and he drank it. This left him completely blind, when he also managed to knock over a bunsen burner, setting fire to his face and hair. This explains his face.

Davros built his own travel machine, using this design to later create the Daleks. He then vowed to kill everyone who had ever called him Leggy Bob.

Davros is a total bastard. He shouts a lot. All the time, in fact.


Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.

31 Jan


Know your Daleks, a recognition guide for companions & assistants.
Part 4, the classic Dalek.

This is your classic Dalek. Grey & black.

As is already well known, all Daleks are complete bastards.
Steer well clear of them. Would you want a dalek dating your sister?
NO. Because they’d exterminate her.
You might like this idea but then whose couch are you going to sleep on after you fight with your significant other?
Not this little grey bastards, that’s for sure.
That’s because Daleks don’t own couches.
And this is yet another reason why you can’t trust a Dalek.
They are untrustworthy, non-couch owning bastards.


Doctor Who & The Invasion Of the Cockwombles

31 Jan

The Doctor, “I’m the Doctor & I claim my free ‪#‎fez‬.”
Shadowed enemy, “There’s no fez.”
Useless companion, “Look out Doctor, Its a trap!”
The Doctor, “I was told there’d be a fez!”
Crappy Moffat style twist, “No. Just ‪#‎Daleks‬.”


I Am Broken

30 Jan

I openly acknowledge this fact.

I am not all right in the head. I continue to do stupid things.
I am uncomfortable socially. I react badly.
I prefer my own company. I talk to myself.
I prefer low to high, emotionally.
My mind is constantly trying to throw me under the bus.
I understand that I can never be fixed.

I accept this as my life.

I’m not sure I want to be fixed. Even if you could fix me.

An experiment in verse

29 Jan

Lost To Time

What will become of the clockwork dogs, the chocolate frogs,
The men who always dance in clogs? What will become of them?

How will they feed the hungry child, the beast so wild,
The meek and mild? What will become of them?

Who will now heed the call to arms, with horns, alarms,
The war machine will empty farms. What will become of them?

What will become of them?

Feedback on things

27 Jan

Word back about the gay vampire story sent to Lethe Press.
Got a response back in less than a day!
A no but for two very good, well explained reasons. Excellent feedback, thoroughly nice chap by the sound of it.

Oh. And I’ve also had an email from Google. I’m in a queue to be processed, apparently.
I wonder if that’s why it’s so damn difficult to submit a DMCA request then. They’ve got so many?

I had another email about something else but I’ll tell you more about that when a concrete date is sent to me.