Archive | September, 2014

Currently Untitled Discworld fanfic story (don’t say you weren’t warned!)

29 Sep

Ankh Morpork. A river* runs through it.

*Well, they call it a river but only because it flows slightly faster than a glacier. It’s more mud than water, the only place where the annual University boat race is held in boats with holes in the bottom and the crews run across in the surface in boots you’d only ever want to wear once.

Unseen University Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully would rather not explain why his student nickname was “Ridcully The Brown”. Suffice to say it’s one of the reasons he prefers beer over water but no matter how many he drinks he won’t ever forget the day they capsized three times during training.

The horror.

It’s a city that never sleeps.

Why would you sleep when there’s money to be earned, made, stolen, forged or recycled into beer?*

*Quite often not only all in one night but all on the same street within feet of each other.

Forget why! How could you sleep? With all the noise constantly going on? With the barkers selling their wares, Assassins inhuming, Dwarves being chucked both out of and into bars*.

*Depending on the bar, who owned it, who normally drank there and how much of a tab they still owed there.

Watchmen ringing bells at all hours telling you “All’s well!”.

All’s well! Well? The only similarity between Ankh Morpork and wellness is both seem like a deep hole in the ground with a liquid-like substance that might possibly be water* at the bottom.

*Whatever it actually is, you wouldn’t want to wash in it. Or drink it. Or use it in any shape, form or description. Even twice recycled beer is going to taste better. And get your clothes clean. Or slightly cleaner than they already were. Or at least get the sick out of them. Or perhaps at least get the smell of sick out of them.

They say if you can make it there then stay there and keep on making it and try selling it to those stupid enough to buy it because no other bugger is going to take you.*

*In other cities when they ask where you came from, the answer Ankh Morpork ususally gets the response “Too good for The Big Wahoonie? Lawks! Wot a toff! ‘Ere, ‘eave ‘alf a brick at ‘im! We don’t like your sort ‘ere. Move on**.”

**Bugger off. They might not say it, but that’s what they mean.***

***Actually, some of them WILL say it.

Because Ankh Morpork welcomed everyone.

Humans, Dwarves, Trolls, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies and even Nobby Nobbs – not just in the name of ethnic diversity either (because no-one in Ankh Morpork knew how to spell it without moving their lips and no-one else who actually mattered really cared what it meant any way) but more by the accidental fact he was born there.

If he was born. Which many people deny vehemently. Those that know what it means, that is. Most people assume he was an accident, and not the happy kind either. The very nasty (and loudly voiced) rumour runs along the lines that his mother attracted the attention of an overly affectionate bear.

Nobby Nobbs has never denied this. He hasn’t confirmed it either. Even he isn’t sure who his mother was. Let alone his father.

In Ankh Morpork you can really get into deep trouble.

The kind of trouble that gets you dead.

The kind of trouble that gets you undead.

Or the worst kind of trouble. The kind of trouble that brings you to the attention of The Patrician.

Given the choice you’d much rather be in the kind of trouble that attracts the attention of The City Watch. At least with Sir Samuel Vimes you’d get a fair chance and a lot of sarcasm. If you were injured they’d treat your wounds, maybe. Or let Igor see them. And maybe laugh at them. Or take iconographs of them if he thinks they are particularly interesting.

He’s that kind of Igor.*

*They all are. Ignore any Igor who says he isn’t. Igorinas may be different.**

**It’s highly unlikely they are but it’s possible. This is the Disc, anything’s possible.***

***See footnote [1] below.

It all depended on how you got them. There is even the chance of a lawyer as long as you don’t call Mr Slant, Vimes hates him.

Don’t let yourself think that the City Watch had the market cornered on matters relating to criminal investigation. Far from it. Well, not quite far. There was one other avenue open to those in desperate need and you’d have to be pretty desperate to procure the services of Lewton, Investigator for hire and occasional loan.

When those under the scrutiny of the law say “There’s no justice”, Sir Samuel Vimes is quick to point out “There’s just us.”

Lewton eventually points out “Hey, there’s me as well!“.

Fortunately The Patrician has no need to point out there’s also him too.

Everyone is more than aware he is there, many wish he wasn’t. But the kind of justice he dispenses is normally in coiled hemp form, through a trapdoor. There’s also the door he offers you the free chance to walk out of. It’s very suspicious. Everyone knows about it, no-one knows anyone who’s ever chosen it.*

*Chosen it and lived to report on the matter, that is.

Lewton doesn’t investigate very often, it’s more a hobby. Well, not really a hobby. More a good way to pay his rent and buy important things like food. And the continued attachment of his legs to the rest of his body. [1]

[1] Continued attachment to your legs is not always possible in Ankh Morpork. Especially after hearing phrases such as “Mister Chrysoprase is very upset with you.”

Lewton likes his legs. He likes them attached to his body as it allows him to walk around the city to investigate.

They say all roads lead to Ankh Morpork.*

*Those that don’t fair well and need to make a hasty escape also know all roads lead away from Ankh Morpork to a myriad of places where you aren’t going to be asked questions like “Was it you what done it?”

And all walks of life travel on those roads. Some by coach, some by horse and the rest have to walk. That’s probably why they’re referred to as walks of life. It may not take a lifetime to reach your destination but on some roads it’ll certainly feel like it.


News for the Whovians!

28 Sep

There ARE new Doctor Who fanfic ideas in the pipeline.

In various stages of development. Some of them have been done in books before.
This is not a problem for me, I’m doing things differently to what they did.

Two of the ideas are set in the Who Universe, not directly involving The Doctor.
Two of the ideas ARE completely about The Doctor.
One is an origins story, one is far-flung future story.

Obviously I can’t give out details because spoilers sweety.

The Doctor Who crossover story, I really do want to develop more.
Not saying WHERE it crosses over to as I don’t want people stealing my idea.

So there are at least 5 ideas in development.

Ray Bradbury Challenge, Week 39.

24 Sep

Just finished this weeks Bradbury Challenge story.

I was (past tense, because I eventually didn’t) going to use a framework I scribbled down last yr.

It was quite detailed and I think that was what put me off.
So I decided to procrastinate until I felt more motivated.
Then I got an idea at about 9:30pm.

So that’s 1632 words, an original idea too. Done in about 2(ish) hours.

Happy to be done for the week.

A poem from a reddit prompt

23 Sep

There Is No Planet B, By Ray Daley.
(from a reddit prompt)

We sent a bunch of missions, just about fifty-three,
Fired ’em off all off into space, bound for Planet B.
Built those rockets; built ’em good, Named from A to Zee,
Shot them into darkest space, Aimed at Planet B.
We’ve been sending missions there since 1963,
Hoping we find a sign of life on good old Planet B.
We looked out with our telescopes, and guess what did we see?
We killed all our astronauts, there IS no Planet B.

Short and sweet

20 Sep

Just finished another short story, 1126 words.
A place name that gave me an idea that it certainly shouldn’t be what it appeared to say it was.
Had the idea yesterday, wrote it all just now, off the notes I jotted down in bed.

Been busy

18 Sep

I submitted a story to Midnight Breakfast yesterday.

I also wrote a short just now, literally JUST finished it.

1126 words, an odd little piece. I had a title and a fragment of idea that I think I managed to make work.

Ray Bradbury Challenge, Week 38.

17 Sep

Just finished this weeks Bradbury Challenge story, I jotted down the outline in the early hours so I wouldn’t forget it. 2723 words, took about 3 hours including the break for lunch.

I apologise to the ten fictional British soldiers that I had to kill. Sorry lads.
It pained me to do it, but you had to go so the rest could live.
It was rather beautiful and very poignant.

The only thing I had to change was the name of the camp, as it already existed in Minsk.

Now I might write the other idea I had when I was about 2 paragraphs into this one.
I don’t think anyone has ever done that idea. Or this one, come to that.

Ray Bradbury Challenge, Week 37.

10 Sep

Just finished this weeks Bradbury Challenge story, 1148 words.

It was an idea I had two weeks ago but didn’t really have an ending for so I didn’t do anything with it at the time. I didn’t even write the outline down. So this idea has survived in my head for two weeks, 14 sleeps.

So it must have been worth finally writing if I remembered it that long after writing so many new piece in the meantime, too.

Ending isn’t super great but not terrible either. I’m satisfied that it’s as good as I could come up with.


It’s also worth noting I got an answer back from Third Flatiron Publishing, a polite rejection. Never mind.

Not JUST one!

9 Sep

I actually wrote TWO stories yesterday.

Fairly late into the afternoon I had an idea, and it struck such a chord that I started writing it as soon as I got back to the computer. And I didn’t finish it until a little after 1am this morning.

I wasn’t writing non-stop though. I was having breaks, off and on. But it was a good 4 hours work.

3859 words, eventually.


No writing at ALL today.

I need to rest my brain for tomorrow, plus my left lower eyelid is puffing up & hurting quite a bit.

So my Blepharitis is flaring up again. That’s annoying.

Keep on writing!

8 Sep

Just typed up another story that I handwrote whilst in bed in the early hours of this morning.1551 words.
Not a bad little piece at all if I do say so myself.
Even a fairly respectable ending and I’m normally VERY hard on myself about those.
Did some rewriting on the fly as I typed up, changed a few things.
Generally it typed up exactly as I wrote it though.